empowered and blessed

I got great feedback from yesterdays post. Thank you. I feel like I am just scratching the surface with this blog. It is such an amazing tool for me to observe me in the face of being vulnerable. I really believe the more you can be open and honest, the more you can be still in the face of anything. It's our reactions and judgements that keep us elevated to a level where we are no longer in touch with our center. The more I can write without expectation and dive into what my truth is the more I can be of service.

Everyday I have an opportunity to push my own bounds of understanding. For example, I have my 86 year old friend Norma in a nursing home. She is very much alive and living in a place where death is prominent. I am doing my best to get her into a better place where she can live out her life surrounded by love and support and have the best quality of life possible. It's a challenge within me to stay with it. In my past I have been great at creating projects and getting behind ideas only to leave them behind when the newness wore off or something else caught my attention. This experience with Norma is giving me the opportunity to show up differently. She sits there in her wheelchair crying out for help. She wants to feel alive. And here I am in this place with her where I can maybe make a difference. I am learning everyday that just to fight for her is giving her life. She does matter and I want her to know that. I want her to know that in the end of her life she is not alone. She is appreciated and loved. So here I am looking at my friend wanting to feel alive and it hits me that we as humans are mostly asleep to this life. We are getting through, marking days and being busy. But as I look into Norma's eyes I see someone clawing for life. In this moment time stops and the pure essence of life is present. I feel timeless and I feel present. She is helping me so much more than I am helping her. She is giving me this great gift of awareness.

It brings up my own circumstances in life that sometimes feel daunting. It makes me aware of the treadmill I sometimes feel that I am on. I can see movement in my life but there are some areas that feel harder to change or create. So I say to myself "what can I accomplish in my life if I am disciplined."

I always disliked that word. It sounds militant and rigid and just feels cold. Just goes to show you what associations we have with words and how it can play out in our lives. My coach recently brought up the word discipline and I felt my body shutter. I don't want to be militant, cold and rigid. After many days of just sitting with that word and the implications, I have found a place of power within it. If I have discipline than I can have boundaries, if I have discipline I can accomplish great things, if I have discipline I can be what I say I want to be....So here I am writing. I am writing everyday and sharing my thoughts, my struggles and my insights. I am carving out my path and making my way to be a life coach. I am being Norma's advocate and no matter how this ends up, she will have me by her side. It feels good to have the space in my mind and set intentions that I can get behind. My life is unfolding and I feel empowered and blessed.