The chief cause of failure and unhappiness is trading what we want most for what we want at the moment.
Anonymous
I can relate. Instant gratification always seems like a good idea until you realize that it wasn't. Being back in school is a challenge to me everyday. It makes me feel so uncomfortable to be in a place where I am not in control, meaning I just have to ride this out and I can't make it go faster and I can't go in and out. I am constantly challenged with my age and where I should be and why I should be and so on and so on. I know this ultimately is great for so many reasons, the obvious sure...education, achievement but I think even more important is commitment and perseverance and ultimately understanding and empathy for those that I will coach and support on their journeys to rediscover themselves. I really feel like I have been going through so much internal questioning about everything I do and wondering if its the right thing or if I should change course. It's louder than ever in my head and even more so now that I live in a place that supports the new path I have chosen. It's been so hard to write because I have felt so scattered and unsure. I forget that - that its probably the best time to write. When I write I feel strong and I remember who I am. thanks for listening
Today I am grateful for all of my great teachers, starting with my mom. I am blessed and have always been.
Remembering
I guess when I don’t know where to start, I start with the Four Agreements:
The Four Agreements are:
1. Be Impeccable with your Word: Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the Word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love.
2. Don’t Take Anything Personally Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
3. Don’t Make Assumptions Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
4. Always Do Your Best Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.
Miguel Ruiz
I feel like I can breathe when I read these agreements. I feel lighter. In taking responsibility for my life I am freed up from the drama and distractions that have nothing to do with me. Don't Make Assumptions is the one that I think of often. It's what I can see clearly and it's impact on the world. The world is run by so many assumptions. In my little corner of the world I strive to be clear and concise. I want to be a woman of my word and live in a world of clarity. I think clarity and peace go hand in hand. As my life has gotten more fine tuned, it's also gotten more confusing for me.
In the quiet I get to see my struggle with where I am. I think I should be further or better or something. It's painful to just feel it and know that I am just where I am. I feel like I am really rambling tonight and I don't want to edit it or polish it. I feel so much inside me that it hurts and I want to stop typing, I want to give in or up whichever will make life easier. I have such a great life and all the beauty and love a person could ask for yet I'm not using my gift. I have felt so far away from the part of me that is clawing its way out of me now. I don't feel like a writer today. But I know something is trying to happen. I know like exercise I just have to show up for it and stop being afraid of not being good enough or enough period.
Today I am grateful for Cecilia's support and encouragement to keep writing.
The Four Agreements are:
1. Be Impeccable with your Word: Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the Word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love.
2. Don’t Take Anything Personally Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
3. Don’t Make Assumptions Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
4. Always Do Your Best Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.
Miguel Ruiz
I feel like I can breathe when I read these agreements. I feel lighter. In taking responsibility for my life I am freed up from the drama and distractions that have nothing to do with me. Don't Make Assumptions is the one that I think of often. It's what I can see clearly and it's impact on the world. The world is run by so many assumptions. In my little corner of the world I strive to be clear and concise. I want to be a woman of my word and live in a world of clarity. I think clarity and peace go hand in hand. As my life has gotten more fine tuned, it's also gotten more confusing for me.
In the quiet I get to see my struggle with where I am. I think I should be further or better or something. It's painful to just feel it and know that I am just where I am. I feel like I am really rambling tonight and I don't want to edit it or polish it. I feel so much inside me that it hurts and I want to stop typing, I want to give in or up whichever will make life easier. I have such a great life and all the beauty and love a person could ask for yet I'm not using my gift. I have felt so far away from the part of me that is clawing its way out of me now. I don't feel like a writer today. But I know something is trying to happen. I know like exercise I just have to show up for it and stop being afraid of not being good enough or enough period.
Today I am grateful for Cecilia's support and encouragement to keep writing.
I'm Back
Don't ever be afraid to begin again.
It's been an interesting evening of writing and re-discovery. I came across something I wrote July 10, 2008. I thought I would share. It felt good to read. I hope you enjoy.
It's been an interesting evening of writing and re-discovery. I came across something I wrote July 10, 2008. I thought I would share. It felt good to read. I hope you enjoy.
On the subject of being fixed in life. I have recently been on a vacation in Akumal, Mexico- a little village on the Caribbean side and again I loved it. It brings me peace that I can’t quite grasp in the states. Now I’m not saying that I can’t align myself and find truth in just being here, I can. I know that peace is a state of mind but something happens when you’re in a magical place that expects nothing of you other than your presence. It forces you to strip yourself of all things plastic. At least this is my experience.
So back to being fixed….I have this sense about life and people and when I am free enough in my own head, like on my vacation, I see so clearly how this fixed way of being owns so many of us, self included. Where is the freedom to live? When do we get to be who we have always wanted to be? Do we have to retire first? Do we have to have all of our ducks in a row? What does that look like? I don’t want to mock anyones existence or belittle stability or family life. I just want explore the possibilities of what it would take to feel free in life more than feeling fixed in life. If you did what you needed to do to take care of yourself and gave your soul what it is hungry for, what would that look like? If no one made you wrong for it and you felt nothing but support, what could you do?
In my life, I feel that I have danced between the two worlds of what I am supposed to do and what my heart desires. Today I am in a place of discovery and freedom but who knows what tomorrow holds. That’s the craziness of it all -that we so easily forget and then are subconsciously looking for the thing that will help us remember that we are not fixed beings. We are here to love and explore. So if I can be anything today it will be that I am a reminder to everyone that I come in contact with to “live today from a place of joy and exploration” Life doesn’t have to be difficult. We make it difficult by fighting what is. ( I love analogies so you will hear them often. ) It’s like if you are on a tube and your heading down a river going with the current and suddenly you are struggling to hold on to branches because there is something beautiful that caught your eye and you don’t want to leave it. So you grab and hold tight and meanwhile are being stabbed in the side by branches. You fight and you fight and finally you lose your hold and now you are going down backwards and your tube is spinning and there went and even more beautiful sight but you missed it.
That’s how I see life. We want to hold on to something so tight because we think its the only thing that we will ever have and we get so fixed on it. So we miss opportunities all around us. If we could only trust that it is all in perfect order and that if we could just move along the river and enjoy what is there and know we are exactly where we are supposed to be each moment than maybe devastation in our life would shift and we could learn to cope with what is and know that difficult moments are only as difficult as our inability to let them drift by and know that we are okay. I know it’s a tall order. But really it’s that simple. It just takes practice like anything else.
Today I am grateful for so much. I am living in a different city now surrounded by so much beauty and a tremendous amount of love and support. I feel abundant and so thankful for this place to write even after being silent for so long. I feel ready to continue and I am grateful for the support. Much love, Ashley
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