just the truth

I feel stopped up. Don’t feel any joy. Feel like I’m bad. Feel like I don’t deserve a vacation. Just plain feel blah. I haven’t seen Normy. I am letting her down. Money is tight. Not really motivated. Feel lost. I don’t feel passion. I feel overwhelmed. My house is a mess. I am lazy. I can’t get it all together.

BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Ok so that’s what’s really going on in my head at the moment. I am struggling to find the place in me that knows better. Literally as I am typing I know it’s there and I am searching. I stop typing, close my eyes. If I can just breathe, I can stop all of the conversations in my head. I know these thoughts are just thoughts and if I can let them go by and find my way out, I can find some peace.
Have you ever been here? I already want to erase the top paragraph. I don’t want to be seen as weak. Interesting how that comes up. If I say what’s really on my mind then I am being weak. Well it sure doesn’t feel weak, it feels vulnerable. I can be ok with that. I want to grow through this blog. I want it to be an opportunity to go into the crevices where neither good nor bad exists. We all can find happiness in great news, in big events and we know how to be sad in devastating times. It’s the in-between times when you are just rolling along. You know you are heading somewhere but you start to doubt and forget what you have you have set out to become. These are the moments that we rush to fill this void. We can easily get drunk or get into some good gossip or buy something that gives us a rush. We need to feel elevated so there must be something we can do to feel better. This is the trap. You will find your greatest strength if in these moments you can remain still and simply find the strength within yourself.
Just by sharing I already feel a sense of relief. I am starting to remember. It’s like a muscle that you have to work out every day. If you move through life with a point of reference for what is your truth then you can keep moving in the direction of your dreams.

“It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinion, it is easy in solitude to live after your own; but the great man is he who, in the midst of the world, keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Today I am grateful for the music in my ears that calms me and gets me in touch with my peaceful center.